Blogged Out

The time has come, as can be seen from my lack of blogging, for me to pretty much quit this. I've enjoyed it immensely, but the pain from typing is so acute that it cancels out most of the enjoyment I feel when I write.

I'll check in on good days, when I can, but for the most part, consider me blogged out. To the few who did read this site, I send a very big thank you. I've loved reading your own blogs, and will probably continue to do so. That requires only a few keystrokes from me. Typing here on my own is much more labor intense, and my poor fingertips just can't seem to handle it. I've tried alternate methods, such as gloves, but I spend too much time correcting my errors.

I won't say goodbye, as I am a firm believer in prayer. Everything for a reason. Besides, goodbye is so final, and I honestly feel this is just a "see ya later."

xoxo

Neglecting You

I've been very neglectful and haven't even checked in to my blog, let alone post. Bad blogger. To my credit, I do have a good excuse. My sister Claire drove up from Homestead FL to surprise me for my birthday. She arrived on 2/11 and just left on Wednesday. I am still recuperating. I miss her. :(

I'll tell y'all about it later. Right now I'm cleaning. Granted, blogging is much more fun, but the house has threatened to pack up and move if I don't show it some attention. Oh...and the laundry said it would picket out on the front lawn. What WOULD the neighbors think!

Love to all, including me!

How To Watch a Scary Movie

This is what a 12 year old looks like when she's been caught watching a scary movie, even if it IS 9:30ish in the morning. A little background information. The Grudge, with Sarah Michelle Geller, was on last night. Liz wanted to watch it, but I am just not into scary movies. Yes, it was regular TV so it was edited big time, but that's just me. Nope. I told her no, she couldn't watch it either, as I just didn't see the sense in terrorizing one's self right before bedtime. Well, all went okay, Liz fell asleep, and I hit my room to watch reruns of L & O. I get up this morning and I can hear her TV on, so I know she's up. I vacuum the living room and swiffer the kitchen floor, and pop into her room to remind her that today is general cleaning day. I expect her to dust, vacuum. and generally straighten up. This is what I found. I about cracked up. She's watching I Know What You Did Last Summer and all you can see is the top of her head and eyes bigger than my coffee cup saucer! Even at 9:30 in the morning, a scary movie is a scary movie. I think vacuuming will be a welcome change of pace, don't you?

Going with the Flow

A new friend of mine mentioned how she likes that I go with the flow. It got me to thinking, and when I think, I write, so y'all are stuck with me while I work this thought out. Going with the flow. What does it really mean, and why do so many people fight it? It seems that so many people think 'going with the flow' means to relinquish control over a situation, when in truth, it is the exact opposite. There is more control required in not worrying about things than there is in letting things make you nuts. I don't want to cloud your perceptions with my ideas on this, so I'll leave it at this for the moment. Think about it. Then get back to me.

Snow Break!

Six sets of shoes and scarves and whatnot on the back porch, six mugs of hot chocolate gone, six pairs of socks tumbling in the dryer...and one Disney movie. Six bowls of spaghetti and six glasses of sugar free cherry Kool Aid. Another movie goes in. Six kids playing football with a knitted hat and one adult huddled in the corner typing furiously and trying to pretend it's not noisy. Six friends spending the day together. Snow breaks are fun!

Just Hanging Out

I've been remiss on updating my progress in "get healthy" land. I've actually been doing really well!. I do two miles a day on my Gazelle, split into two sessions, and I do my ab exercises (takes 5 minutes) even though I hate them.

I haven't checked my weight because I don't care to know what it is. I'll find out at my next Dr's appt. anyway. I HAVE noticed a marked difference in my clothing, and that means more than any scale. I feel good, so that is also a more important marker than any scale readout.

I feel fierce!

While my sugars still aren't where I want them to be, they are more even across the board, and that is better than up/down up/down up/down. Yo-yo'ing is a no no in diabetes town.

The real test will be my next A1C. We'll see!

I'll write a real blog entry later today. For now, since I do this for me and not for anyone else, I felt good enough with myself and needed to write it down! Yay ME!!!

ReAffirmation

Liz and I went to The Cup last night to see a band called For Christ, and I was blown away. This band came up from Atlanta to sing and minister to us, even though their base player couldn't make it. His wife had just (that weekend) had a miscarriage, after trying for so many years, to have a child. Even though he couldn't make it, he sent a note, saying how important it was that the group go on. That The Message they share was bigger than anything going on in their lives, and how nothing, even adversity or heartbreak, could or should stop it.

It made me think long and hard about how my own life seems to be taking shape, and how my faith, once so strong and true, seems to have wavered. Could I do this? Could I care more about others than myself, and speak the Word, no matter what was going on in my life? Can I truly call myself a Christian, if all I do is talk the talk, but be unwilling to walk the walk? I don't know. I honestly don't know. I do know that, as we stood in a circle, 50 something strong, my prayers were honest. Dear Lord, I need your help. I cannot do it alone, and I shouldn't do it alone. I know I feel a connection to You, but am I willing to show that in all aspects of my life? It isn't just about belief. It isn't just about being saved. It isn't even about religion. It is about making my faith in You so strong as to get this feeling that I have no choice but to shout it from the mountaintops. I have the answer! I know the way!

Can I do it? I tell others about turning over everything to Him. Everything. That whatever happens, good or bad, there is a reason, and we are not to question, even when the request shakes our very core. Pastor Walker once said something to the effect of: Do everything as if God were sitting beside you. You, who come here on Sunday and raise your hands to Him, and then go on with your lives as if he only commands one day from you. Would you do the things and say the things you do if God were one of your friends and there? Well, God IS one of your friends. God IS there. Just because no one else sees, does it make it okay when we don't always act as we should? If we had a new love in our life, the joy we get from wanting to be around them touches every little thing we do. Well, that is how it is supposed to be with Him. Dress and act and do as if our love for Him was new and joyous and the most important thing in our lives. A relationship with You is what I want, not just a casual conversation. I'm trying, but that nagging little voice in the back of my head says my trying isn't enough.

What is enough? Nothing is enough. Nothing ever can be enough. Dear Lord, I ask you to please help me through this. To please help me find the joy that I had. I know everything cannot be wonderful, and I'm not expecting that, but everything SHOULD be You. Help me make every breathing moment I have about You. Help me to not worry about what others around me think, especially when I am worshiping You. Help me to see through the ones who are the Sunday Christians. Help me to not be one. Help me find You again. I know You're there, waiting patiently on the sidelines. I know You as one I turn to, but I want to know You as a I would know a best friend, a new lover, a confident. I want everything to be about You, as it should. God, help me please. I feel as if I've drifted again, and I think constantly about how I miss You. Help me to cast out all doubt about what or why I am... I am because of You.

Help me.

Color Coordinated

I caught a pic the other day of Liz and my niece, who had come over during a school-out snow day. Liz was (and is) still down on the couch, healing from a back injury. I thought it was kind of cute how they both matched, in a mixed up sort of way. When you factor in the fruit juice bars and the pillows Liz is on, it looks like someone just threw down a bunch of Sorbet containers in my living room!

AAARRRGGGHHH!

Okay, I'm going nuts. Liz, my youngest is currently down (down, as in bed) with a fractured tail bone (ouch!) so that leaves her plenty of time to drive me crazy. Crazy with questions. "Because I said so" seems so old school, even though I am a firm believer in dictatorship where it applies to issues in my house.

The current bruhaha? Makeup. She wants to wear it. I want to keep her face freshly scrubbed. She doesn't have any (makeup), with the exception of lip gloss things (lots of those) but she wants some. Not happening. Nope. If I have to hear one more time how I let Sam wear makeup at her age (as if!) I'll scream. That seems to be the issue lately. I let Sam do things before she, Liz, can. They don't cover this stuff in the handbook.

Sam and Liz are 10.5 years apart. Big gap. Because of this gap, Liz was kind of brought up around older kids. Good kids with good morals, but older kids nonetheless. She was exposed to teen stuff early. Don't get me wrong... I didn't let HER go to the mall at 6 just because her 16 yro sister got to go, but you get my point. Sibling rivalry. I thought it would stop once Sam moved out to live on her own. I should have known better. I have three sisters.

Liz is 12 now. Twelve is too young to do a lot of things. Twelve is too young to go to the mall without Mom. Twelve is too young to go to the movies without an adult. Twelve is too young to wear makeup. Twelve is too young to die, which will happen if she keeps this pushing up.

I have given this considerable thought. Like I said, I could go the route "because I said so," but I think this issue of entitlement just because her older sister got to do things needs addressed on a more indepth level.

So... I am preparing myself. I am going to have *the talk today. Parents do not have to treat each child equally, or what the kids would call fairly. Children are not the same, so why should the same treatment apply to all? Each child is an individual, and each problem or issue should be addressed individually. What might have been fine for Sam at the ripe old age of 13 or 14 is not necessarily bad for Liz at the age of 12, and the reverse is true as well. What Sam got to do at 12 might not be in the best interest of Liz at her current age of 12. When deciding what applies to each incident, we as parents have to take into consideration the maturity level of the child we are dealing with, right? How the child handles certain things, and how the child might react, or feel, should count. I love my children very much, but if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that things are tougher this second time around. However, today's popular parenting styles make me feel like I owe Liz some type of explanation, since she has asked me so seriously... why why why???

I look down this rough draft of my blog (where I think best) and see my entry about how to approach the "how come I can't...she did!" syndrome, and I realize that I have written as if addressing my old faculty buddies. Great. Talk right over her head Carye. Way to handle the issue. So....what to do?

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!" is looking pretty good.

Snow Day

We got an unexpected visitor today. Two inches of snow. Beautiful. Two inches doesn't seem like a lot, but that practically shuts down the entire city, as these mountain roads are deadly when there is any snow or ice to contend with. Schools closed down early, and will probably either start late or be closed tomorrow. Stores are filled with people who think this is the next three week blizzard, and that they will never see a loaf of bread again. So silly.

We are warm and cozy in our little home, watching the flakes fly by from the window. Soon they will be nothing but a pool of memories and the skies will turn blue, the air will breathe a hint of warmth, and things will be back to normal here. Until then, a little bit of winter magic seems awfully nice.

Bouncing

Every once in a while you need to not take life so seriously, and just get out there and bounce!

Dying to Live

With each new year, we all seem to set ourselves up for failure by making resolutions we have every intention of keeping, but can't. I'm no different, and do the same thing.

You know the drill:

1) Lose the weight
2) Get in better shape
3) Stop smoking
4) Realize chocolate and coffee are not alone as a food group

Again, I am no different, but the circumstances are. Living with diabetes, and the complications it can sometimes bring (and has brought), is no piece of cake, but it's easier if you work at it. I haven't been working at it quite as hard as I should. Heck, I put *working hard* away months ago. Well, I made some resolutions of my very own this year.

1) I resolve to exercise 30-45 minutes 3-5 times a week (trying for 4-6). I have to. Not for weight (which is a great result of exercise, and Lord knows I need to), but for health reasons. Exercise brings down sugar levels, regulates insulin, and helps increase circulation.

My exercise will take the form of:

a) Blast Off! tape 3-4 times a week (low impact/moderate cardio) 30 mins
b) Gazelle (no impact on feet - yay!!! and good for my DPN!) 5 times a week 15 mns each

2) I resolve to eat breakfast, even though it kills me. I resolve to make that breakfast healthier by:

a) Eating Special K (low GI) w/berries, or
b) Eating Steel-cut Oatmeal w/berries, or
c) Eating 2-3 oz lean protein w/greens (on days no morning workout)
d) Eating SB home made morning muffins (more of a mini quiche-yum!)

3) I resolve to use my darn crockpot more so I don't have an excuse for "what's for dinner." I used to do weekend cooking sessions, and always had the makings of a quick, healthy dinner just a freezer away. I don't do this anymore, and I've no excuse other than laziness. I resolve to steer clear of most processed foods, even if they are cheaper. Cheaper isn't always better.

4) I resolve to be careful of my portions. Nothing is taboo in moderation, but serves 4 really means serves 4, not serves 2 with a spoonful left over.

5) I resolve to put me first. I cannot be of any good to anyone if I am not good to myself first.

6) I resolve to check my sugars every morning first thing and set my alarm to do so, since I seem to forget (or I subconsciously use that as an excuse). It should be done 2-4 times a day for me, but I can't seem to manage even one lately. I think it's because I hate what I see when I do, and I am totally to blame, since I've managed sugars quite well in the past.

7) I resolve to drink more water. Drink water until I float out the door. I love water. I just hate OUR water, unless it is ice cold and has a slice of lemon or lemon flavoring. I will keep a big pitcher of water in the fridge at all times, and I will keep sugar free lemonade (just a pinch is perfect) handy. I will cut back on coffee even though it hurts (and yes, it does...I loves me my coffee).

Due to DPN, I have no feeling in my feet (except the pain DPN brings on). I am fast losing the ability to use my hands, and my kidneys are not real happy with me either. I still consider myself blessed, as my medications keep everything to a moderate roar, and most times I have a decent day. What's that story about complaining about no shoes until I met a man who had no feet? Well, that's me. I still have my feet, so what's to complain about? Not much, really, yet I manage to do so quite verbally as of late. Well, that's going to change too.

I can live with diabetes, and the complications it has brought to my life, but I'll be damned if I'm going to die by it.

Saying Goodbye to the Old....

...and saying hello to the new. My baby. My last born. My child of light and love and laughter...is growing up. She met a boy. It all started at The Encouraging Cup (of my Fathers House), a Christian coffee house that showcases Christian bands. My sister invited us to a dinner to celebrate the upcoming New Year, and I know a few people at the Cup, so I said yes.

We arrive and more introductions are made, dinner is set up, and then in walks a friend of my Sister, dragging her younger 14 year old brother. Oh boy. The kid looks like a young Ashton Kutcher, shaggy brown hair, dreamy brown eyes and all. Suddenly, the rest of the world didn't exist...and the only thing in the room was my child and Mr. Dreamy. They talked for six hours. SIX hours! He asked if he could ask her out. Asked ME directly. Oh boy. My answer? We will see...with a chaperone, it's possible. Phone numbers were exchanged (with permissions) and my wide-eyed child and Mr. Dreamy parted company.

After a late rising the next day, my child turns on her phone. It rings no more than 30 seconds later. Mr. Dreamy couldn't wait to talk, and had called "like a million times trying to reach you!"

...and it begins. The changing of the guard, from pig-tailed little girl to giggly, gangly-legged young woman. I've walked this path before, with the first one, but somehow it all seems strange and new this time. Perhaps because my heart knows this is the final journey and there's no turning back. Hold on to the remnants of childhood as long as you can, and drag them kicking and screaming back to the playgrounds. Strap them onto the teeter totter and make them remember that childhood only comes once. When it's gone...it's gone.

I watch my young one, and I'm proud..and a little scared.

I'd like to thank the Academy......

Yes, it's *weird feelings* time today. Don't know why but I've learned to quit fighting it and just let it be.

I saw the comment you, Queenie, left on my blog. Yes, I'm blogging again. You, Ivy and Heather are totally to blame, and I love you for that. I quit worrying about what to say, and just say it. IF they (the powers that blog stalk) come across it and don't like it, they just don't have to click back.

Thank you.

You're such an inspiration and I don't think I take the time to tell you that. I'm a sucky friend, but I do try and make up for it.

To Heather, Ivy & Sonia (in alphabetical order). I'd like to take this time to thank you, the blogger academy, for telling me I could do this, showing me how it's done, then coming back to check on me.

High five ladies. High five.

The Ties that Bind.

Liz, Shannon & Josh (in that order in the picture) are best buds. Serious best buds. They do almost everything together. They sit on the bus together, they call each other on the phone, they go to skate night together, they all go back and forth to each others' houses, etc. They only thing they don't do together is Church and that is only because Shannon and his Mom go to a different Church than the rest of us. That's Josh's Mom (Theresa) and his baby sister (baby monster if you ask him, LOL) Allie along with yours truly.

Last weekend, Shannon and Josh were over my house when Theresa called and we all decided to go to dinner. Impromptu kind of thing. Shannon's Mom was working so Theresa had Shannon, and a quick phone call to me and off we went. Fat Buddy's here we come. BBQ. My kind of place. We get there and they are closed. Early Christmas party for their workers. How nice... some places don't do that. We thought that was cool even though we had to pick another place. Josh came up with shrimp, so we piled in our two cars and raced over to Red Lobster. We couldn't even get in the parking lot, let alone the door. Every restaurant on Restaurant Alley was packed, which isn't unusual for a weekend evening in Asheville, but we are talking seriously packed. So Theresa suggested Longhorn, which was just down the street. A little pricey for me, but what the hay....let's treat ourselves.

We get the kids back in the cars (not necessarily in the right one either) and we are off again! Longhorn is busy but they are worth the wait. We have a table for six in less than 10 minutes. Not bad for a Saturday night. Steak, ribs, potatoes and salads all around and throw in a Texas T'Onion for good measure. Cellphones are whipped out, pictures are taken, laughter is shared and a full tummy is had by all. The checks come and Miss Smartiepants (Theresa) grabs mine and won't give it back. Merry Christmas to us. They are leaving Christmas Eve day to go spend time with family and won't be back for five days, and this is her present to us. How sweet. Okay, plans are made... New Years at my house. Shannon and his Mom, Theresa and her brood, myself and mine.... we will have tidbits and sparkling cider and we will all ring in the New Year together as friends and a self-made family. The clink of water glasses all around seals the deal.

TAGGED!

I've been tagged by the gorgeous Heather (Cantalyssa). I really am coming up in the blog world, LOL! Let's see... five things most don't know about me. Gee, is this the time to let real secrets out???

1) I used to play guitar. Very well, in fact. Concert level. Both classical and flamenco were my choice styles, but I can do a mean accoustical backup when necessary. I play with all five fingers on both hands (well, four on the left, to be honest). I also played piano, but I definitely cannot call myself proficient at that. Guitar...yes, I was proficient. Hell, I was damn good at one time!

2) I used to be a wild woman in my twenties, and right up until 35 smacked me in the face. We won't go into detail, but let it be said that I was not always this responsible, staid person.

3) I liked chicken liver for a brief time. I know, I know.... but I hated it until I was pregnant with my first, then I craved it like crazy. Hate it now. So does my first born. I craved ribs during my second pregnancy... baby backs with tons of sauce...and ate them every chance I got. My poor husband was always having to go get them. Now my young one craves them, and could eat them right off the cow now, if the cow held still. Funny how that goes.

4) I wanted to be an actor. A stage actor. Song and dance thrown in for good measure. I love the stage. The feel of it, the look of it, the smell of the face paint and the musty smell of the curtains. The green room (which isn't always green), the "marks" on the floor. Singing in front of all those people was easy... all you can see are lights. The emotions one can run through in a single act. Love love love it. Miss it more.

5) I smoke like a chimney. Not in the house. Never in the house. On the back porch. Yes, I know... it's only logistics, and all of it is bad, but I can't drink and I don't do drugs and dang it, sex has been out for awhile. Don't take away my ciggies quite yet. I will take care of it myself, in my own time.


I would tag my own people, but sadly, I don't have enough peoples to tag. My peoples are email loopies, with whom I've looped for years, and who I adore. Most don't blog, and the ones that do have already done this. So... until I develop a more extensive readership, this tag ends with me. Now don't get me wrong... I don't blog for others.. I blog for me, but it would sure be nice to know I am not alone in my little world. It would be nice to know the voices I hear really do come from others. Thanks to Margo, Sahara, Ivy and Heather for deeming me worthy of a read. Thanks to Heather and Sonia for making me want to do this more (write). How wonderful it feels.

Evil. Plain evil. I purchased a bag of these horrid little candies. It sits in a bigger bag, along with other stocking stuffers, hiding under my bed and awaiting the quiet hours of Christmas morning, when it will make it's way to the fancy footwear hung by the TV with care.

I can't sleep. I go to bed and I KNOW it calls to me, softly but persistently. It knows I am there just as much as I know it is there, and I SWEAR I can hear it chuckle when it thinks that sound will blend with that of the television.

If you thought potato chips were bad with their crafty abilities to always make you eat more than one, you haven't met Mr. Peanut Butter Kiss.

EEEEEEVIL!

Time Marches On....

...and eventually, it marches across your face! I believe that was a line ( or close to it) said by Dolly Parton. Pretty woman, that Dolly.

I am in a pensive mood tonight. I think that I've overdone the past few days, but it was so wonderful to be up out of the bed, out of the house, and out amongst adults. I haven't stopped smiling since Monday, and people are starting to stare and mumble. I literally waved to most of the other strangers at the Mall. The Mall... a bad word. A place I avoid more than health food. A necessary evil during this shopping season. I went. I saw. I freaked people out. I kid you not, I smiled and waved and laughed at almost everyone that I passed. Some smiled back, some ignored me, then there were the few that looked at me like I had escaped from the local insane asylum. I didn't (and don't) care. It was good to be human again.

Tuesday caught up with me and I took cat naps most of the day, but the smile never left my face. Tuesday night my best friend, who just happens to be a sister of mine, calls. I miss her. We don't talk nearly often enough anymore. We have been known to call each other at 10pm and talk until way past midnight without even realizing that time has passed. Time again....always marching.

Wednesday morning dawns, and I am out among the fray, in search of some missing items needed to complete my shopping lists. A much needed cup of coffee from the booth at Books-a-Million (and okay, two books later) and I am fortified and back out in jungle land. Somebody hand me a machete.

Here it is Wednesday night and I go to read Heather, Ivy & Queenie's blogs. I love their blogs. I even stalk Kathy T & Margo, just because I can link from Heather, Ivy or Queenies (lol). Lo and behold, I'm a LINK! I've made it to the big time folks. I've been blogstalked.

Thanks, friends. My smile just got bigger, and I didn't think that possible.

This is what happens when you aren't up to snuff yet, but try and get the Christmas decorations going.

Liz put up the tree last night. It looks okay. Her friend Josh came over tonight. They decided to put up the lights outside. Then they decided that the extra outside lights would look great. INSIDE.


Me in my nyquil trance, thought it a grand idea! Doesn't it look great! Oh, I even wrote a song today. Well, I wrote the lyrics then copied the melody, but I think I can be forgiven. Everybody get out their karaoke equipment now!

(...sung to I Feel Pretty )

I feel HUMAN.

Almost HUMAN!

I feel better, I got back my wit!

and I pity

anyone ..who had what I had..

SHIT!

I feel normal

Almost normal

and I'm thankful my Lizzie is well!

Cause this virus

makes you feel..just like you've been to

HELL!

See the pasty face in the mirror there

See the tissues all on the floor

oh so many pills

oh so many ills

oh so many chills

WHERE ARE ALL THE THRILLS????

I feel better

so much better

and I think I will live after alllllll!

But I've missed you

and was ready to start climbing

THE WALL

I am back now

yes, I'm back now

so you better start checking your BLOG!!!

cause I'm back now

but still drinking Nyquil like
it is GROG!

Who Messed With My Clock???

I had all these good intentions. Heck, I seem to live by good intentions. I got up, feeling a little less like a snot machine, dressed and took both my child and the neighbor kids to wait at the bus stop in a nice warm car. It was 24 outside, with a windchill of 14. COLD. I came back home and made another cup of coffee (yum) and sat on the end of my bed. Big mistake.

What was to be nothing more than taking off my shoes to replace them with fuzzy warm slippers turned into a very Rip Van Winklish nap. Next thing I know it's 11:42am and UPS is banging at the door (and I have a door bell...geesh!).

I HATE being sick. I was going to do laundry. Oh heck. I was going to mop the floors, and dust and even ignore my medication and run the evil *looks like heavy machinery* vacuum. I was going to make a killer spaghetti sauce and let it simmer all day on the back of the stove.....in a crock pot of course.

Dinner is not going to go on as planned (for shame!). Perhaps my dear friend Heather will let me mooch and borrow a can of vienna sausages, LOL!