Okay, I'm going nuts. Liz, my youngest is currently down (down, as in bed) with a fractured tail bone (ouch!) so that leaves her plenty of time to drive me crazy. Crazy with questions. "Because I said so" seems so old school, even though I am a firm believer in dictatorship where it applies to issues in my house.
The current bruhaha? Makeup. She wants to wear it. I want to keep her face freshly scrubbed. She doesn't have any (makeup), with the exception of lip gloss things (lots of those) but she wants some. Not happening. Nope. If I have to hear one more time how I let Sam wear makeup at her age (as if!) I'll scream. That seems to be the issue lately. I let Sam do things before she, Liz, can. They don't cover this stuff in the handbook.
Sam and Liz are 10.5 years apart. Big gap. Because of this gap, Liz was kind of brought up around older kids. Good kids with good morals, but older kids nonetheless. She was exposed to teen stuff early. Don't get me wrong... I didn't let HER go to the mall at 6 just because her 16 yro sister got to go, but you get my point. Sibling rivalry. I thought it would stop once Sam moved out to live on her own. I should have known better. I have three sisters.
Liz is 12 now. Twelve is too young to do a lot of things. Twelve is too young to go to the mall without Mom. Twelve is too young to go to the movies without an adult. Twelve is too young to wear makeup. Twelve is too young to die, which will happen if she keeps this pushing up.
I have given this considerable thought. Like I said, I could go the route "because I said so," but I think this issue of entitlement just because her older sister got to do things needs addressed on a more indepth level.
So... I am preparing myself. I am going to have *the talk today. Parents do not have to treat each child equally, or what the kids would call fairly. Children are not the same, so why should the same treatment apply to all? Each child is an individual, and each problem or issue should be addressed individually. What might have been fine for Sam at the ripe old age of 13 or 14 is not necessarily bad for Liz at the age of 12, and the reverse is true as well. What Sam got to do at 12 might not be in the best interest of Liz at her current age of 12. When deciding what applies to each incident, we as parents have to take into consideration the maturity level of the child we are dealing with, right? How the child handles certain things, and how the child might react, or feel, should count. I love my children very much, but if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that things are tougher this second time around. However, today's popular parenting styles make me feel like I owe Liz some type of explanation, since she has asked me so seriously... why why why???
I look down this rough draft of my blog (where I think best) and see my entry about how to approach the "how come I can't...she did!" syndrome, and I realize that I have written as if addressing my old faculty buddies. Great. Talk right over her head Carye. Way to handle the issue. So....what to do?
"BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!" is looking pretty good.
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4 comments:
I have no help. I let DD1 start wearing makeup around 12. I think it's more about them "fitting in" than they think it looks good on them. Because let me tell ya....not only from first hand experience...but from having a kid who does it...no 12/13/14 girl puts on makeup correctly. One day DD1 is gonna look back on pics and say "omg...why did you let me wear my makeup like that". And I'll just laugh and laugh and laugh. Heh. But i'm mean like that
I completely understand your sentiment.
What if you compromise on the makeup and start with something simple such as mascara nearly her own shade? Four months of good mascara use lets her upgrade to say blush or translucent face powder.
However, retain full morning veto rights. If she puts on too much, she has to scrub her face and loses make-up privileges for the day. Obviously make sure she leaves the make-up at home, so she's not applying it on the bus and poking out her eye with a mascara wand.
Both y'all have good ideas. I might do that. She's got a terriblly red face. I have put my bare escentuals on her to tone it down. Face powder might be okay. I don't know if I'm ready for mascara, lol. She turns 13 in Sept....think I can get away with waiting until then? LOL. Okay, y'all are two of my bestest friends...I'll consider it. I do hold out for what Heather calls Veto rights, though. I veto her growing up any more!
Just curious when at 12 years old I wa allowed to wear make-up any where other than in the living room with my girlfriends? Liz has got the wrong idea. Difference between her and I is when I was her age, I was babysitting her. I grew up a little bit faster than Liz did. She has more of that baby time left with you. While she wants to be more like me, independent and on my own, GROWN UP! I want to be more like her home, secure, with my mommy, still enjoying little things. Not that I dont, but you know what I mean. I however must thank my mother. She never babied me. I am and have always been pretty aware of my surroundings, and alert to things. I am very determined, and I know how to get what I want. I appreciate the things that she instilled in me, and as much as I hope Liz gets to enjoy her childhood, I hope she too, gets a taste of reponsibility. Then again, I am sure she does, after all she is my sister!
I love you mom! Keep up what you always have done, worked great the first time, I thought!
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